You'll Never Even Know
by april-karev
Summary: I'm gonna love you forever and the worst part is that you'll never even know. She figures 13 year old her knew more than she ever gave herself credit for.


**AN: First attempt at writing Finntana, didn't quite turn out the way I was hoping but what can you do? Enjoy, R/R! **

_You'll Never Even Know_

_I'm gonna love you forever. _She read off of the worn page of her old journal. _And the worst part is that you'll never even know... _She'd written that on the first day of 5th grade. The day that Finn broke up with his then girlfriend Quinn Fabray and now here she was, 7 years later, packing up her room the night before she left for college. She figures 13 year old her know more than she ever gave herself credit for.

"Sweetie, Finn's here!" Mrs. Lopez called up the stairs though she didn't really need to. She had just put down the book when he peeked his head inside her bedroom door, a lazy smile on his face.

"It's so empty in here." He noted, the boy plopping down on her bed and stretching out despite the huge piles of clothes that were still sitting on it. "It's weird."

"Yeah," she agreed, looking in her closet and pulling out a few more things. "You're lucky that you're staying here, so much less stress."

"I guess so." He agreed, a comfortable silence filling the room as Santana continued to throw things in boxes. "Come cuddle with me." He said after a few minutes, sending her a charming smile when she rolled her eyes at him. "San, you're leaving tomorrow, it's not like I can hold it over your head. Come cuddle with me."

She sighed and moved over to the bed, her head lying against his chest as he put his arm around her, rough fingers sliding through her hair. "I'm gonna miss you." He says after a minute, she kind of expected it; she had the early flight so she figured this would be their goodbye. "I don't know how I'm gonna survive without my best friend."

Here it was, now or never. Just say it. 4 words. I love you, Finn. That's it, that's all it takes.

"Finn, I-" she stopped, the words caught in her throat as he stared down at her. "I'll miss you too." She breathed out, eyes downcast.

"I'll come visit." He promised. "And we can Skype, and text, it'll be like you never left. You'll probably get sick of me."

"I'll hold you to that." Santana mumbled against his chest, his grip on her tightening just slightly. "I have to pee." She said after a minute, "I'll be back." She untangled herself from his embrace and made her way across the hall and to the bathroom, the girl taking a minute to compose herself, splashing a bit of cold water on her face.

"Just do it." She spoke aloud, voice still hushed so that he wouldn't hear. "Just walk in there and say it. I love you. It's not that hard, what do you have to lose." Her brain responded immediately the word 'him' echoing inside her mind as she made her way back out to her bedroom, her stomach dropping at the sight in front of her. Finn's head resting against the wall, eyes scanning the little book she had been reading just an hour ago.

"Finn, don't." she said, voice pleading.

"I'm gonna love you forever." The boy spoke, his eyes shifting between the girl that stood before him and the book in his hand, his expression confused as he thought it over. "And the worst part is that you'll never even know."

Her eyes closed, not even able to look at him as he continued to read the words off of the page. Silence took over the room again and she finally opened her eyes when she heard him stand, his hands gripping her shoulders.

"You loved me?" he asked, a light, cocky smile on his lips and she shook her head from side to side, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"No, Finn." She said, voice shaking just slightly, "I love you. I still love you."

The tall boy leaned down then, capturing her lips in a searing kiss, his next words playing over and over in her head.

"I wish you would have told me that 7 years ago." He mumbled against her lips. "I've wasted so much time thinking you didn't love me back. "

"Back?" she asked.

"Yeah, stupid. Of course I love you. I've always loved you."

"Finn."

"Don't ruin this. I've waited my whole life for this."

"I'm leaving in the morning."

"It doesn't matter."

"You're staying in Lima."

"It doesn't matter."

"We're not even dating."

"It doesn't matter." he said again, "Santana, I love you. I'm in love with you, and I've waited so long for this, I'm not letting you go now. It doesn't matter that you're leaving. I'll come visit. We can do this, San, please."

She doesn't know why but she finds herself nodding, her fingers digging into the fabric of his grey t-shirt as she fell into his chest.

"I love you." He spoke softly, his lips brushing over the top of her head. "We'll make it work."

It was cheesy as hell. Something Santana Lopez never thought she would want, but it was perfect and she couldn't imagine them any other way.


End file.
